Our True Wealth

Dear friends,

This post is not about property investing.  It's about where our heart is and what and who we value most.

On 19 May, I lost my 15 year old son, Timothy Isaiah Gabriel Tan-Miller.  You don't know him but he is a much loved child.  He was third of four children.  Third son.  Much anticipated.

One of the last stories I told him, not long ago, was how I couldn't wait to meet him.  I was heavily pregnant,  I couldn't wait to meet this child that I dreamed of him.  When he came out, I said to him, "Oh, I know you.  I've seen you before."  It was one of those moments I will treasure forever.

I worked hard for my kids.  I've all I could rely on to support us.  I never asked financial support from my ex-husband because I know he's doing all he could for them, too.  He looked after them well when they're with him.  My kids never complained.  How lucky can I be!

We lived with international students for like 15 years.  We slept in one room because we needed as much income as we could generate.  They slept on one double bed, piled on top of each other.  No complaints. 

If they wanted something and I said, "I'm sorry, honey, I don't have the money now.  But know that if I do, you wouldn't have to ask twice."  My kids trusted me with that and so never badgered me for anything.

This month, just this month, I was able to give them their own room each.  And then Tim left. 

My heart is broken. I have to believe though that God is able to create a mosaic out of our broken pieces.  I have been supported, prayed for, loved by many friends.  Through them, I felt, saw and touched the Incarnated Love of God.

I lived for my kids and have to remain strong for the other three.  But i wake up at night or the early morning wondering if there is an end to all the sorrows I feel.

When my first born child came to the world.  I loved him fully.  Utterly.  Unconditionally.  When I fell pregnant with my second child I thought to myself how it would be possible to love another human being with the same intensity.  But as parents, we do.  And we don't love them with half a love because there were two; or a quarter love because there where four of them.  Each one we love with fullness and that is all we can do.  This is, I believe truly, how God loves us.  He does not love with 1 part of 6 billion.  He loves us unconditionally and intensely.

I hope we are all reminded that for all the treasures we accumulate, the ones that really matters is the person close to our hearts.  Enjoy them.  Love them.  Care for them.

This is a tribute to my Tim, my kindred spirit. 

Take care.

Angel