>>>1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into
>>>my own pants.
>
>2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.
>
>3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it. So I said
>”Implants?” She hit me.
>
>4. I don’t do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.
>
>5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: “Buy one dog, get one flea…”
>
>6. I live in my own little world. But it’s OK. They know me here.
>
>7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
>
>8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
>
>9. I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get
>elected.
>
>10. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and <edited>head’s.
>
>11. I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person
>you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
>
>12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.
>
>13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive
>days I have stayed alive.
>
>14. How come USA chooses from just two people to run for president and
>50 for Miss America?
>
>15. Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
>section in a swimming pool?
>
>16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?
>
>17. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
>
>18. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom’s wise words:
>”Don’t pick that up, you don’t know where it’s been!”
>
>19. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail…but, a true
>friend will be sitting next to you saying, “Damn…that was fun!”-
>
>20. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear
>loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I
>wouldn’t have signed up in the first place!
>
>21. When I was young we used to go “skinny dipping,” now I just “chunky
>dunk.”
>
>22. The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them.
>
>23. Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell
>the difference.
>
>24. Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could
>simply press ‘Ctrl Alt Delete’ and start all over?
>
>25. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you
>haven’t fallen asleep yet.
>There are 3 types of people:1. People who make things happen.
2. People who watch what happens.
3. People who wondered what happened.LOVE IT [biggrin]
Investment Property Management
http://www.adprop.com.auI'm having a laugh!!!
True story (but funny).
Driving in my car the other day with my 5.5 year old son. He says, out of the blue; "Dad, when I see girls, or think about girls, I get a tingle in my willy".
I, of course, kept a straight face and informed him that this was perfectly normal (but is it?)
Lock up your daughters?Ah Marcs real life experience reminds me of a similar joke……
A man with testicular issues that had an operation planned for their removal, was very selfconscious about looking no different – so pleaded with the doctor to see if there was anything that could be done to replace the bits planned for removal. With little notice, the doctor did not have many options, so kindly suggested he could replace the mans 'parts' with a couple of reasonbly sized pickled onions. all went well, and looked and felt normal. At the two week check up the doctor asked 'so hows it going – you know, post op, and with your , ah eh, replacement parts.? The man sheepishly replied ' well everythings going well – except , ….you know that feeling you get down below when you see a pretty woman in a short skirt…….I get that everytime I see a salad roll ! 'Hey a very old post but still as funny today.
My favourite was No. 14.L.A Aussie wrote:True story (but funny).
Driving in my car the other day with my 5.5 year old son. He says, out of the blue; "Dad, when I see girls, or think about girls, I get a tingle in my willy".
I, of course, kept a straight face and informed him that this was perfectly normal (but is it?)
Lock up your daughters?Ohh yeahh that's nothing. My cousins 2.5 year old son was here from USA. He was lying on my bed and all of a sudden he took off his pants and says "hey look, my willy has gone up". Man I was speechless. I just shook my head and laughed.
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