Diary of Port Hedland, by a Pom (non-Australian)

August 31st
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Port Hedland, Western Australia now this is a town that knows how to live!!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the veranda It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I love it here.

September 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I’m turning into a sun
Worshiper.

September 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

October 10th
The temperature hasn’t been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it’s kind of windy though.
But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

October 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.
Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like this.

October 20th:
I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskettes and cat <edited>. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

October 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant flamin blow dryer!! And it’s hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts.

October 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we can’t even go inside. Why did I ever come
here?

November 4th:
It’s 42 degrees. Finally got the ol’ air-conditioner fixed today.
It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to 35, but the bloody humidity makes the house feel like it’s about 40. Stupid repairman.
I hate this stupid flamin place.

November 8th:
If another wise arse cracks, “Hot enough for you today?” I’m going to flamin throttle him. Flamin heat! By the time I get to work the car’s radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soaking flamin wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

November 9th:
Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol’ car. I thought my flamin arse was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my flamin arse. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried arse, and baked cat.

November 10th:
The weather report might as well be a flamin recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and flamin sunny. It’s been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn’t it ever rain in this damn flamin place? Water rationing will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms just might dry up and blow into the flamin pool. Even the palms can’t live in this flamin heat.

November 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 49 today. Now the air-conditioner’s gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said, “Hot enough for you today?” My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my arse out of jail for assaulting the stupid <edited>er. <edited> Port Hedland! What kind of a sick demented flamin idiot would want to live here?

December 1st:
WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are flamin
kidding