Dazzling,
Many years ago I came across an advertisement by Microsoft in a glossy magazine. It showed a young couple having a terrific time doing the waltz (dips and all) and a couple of people in the background sitting on the chairs by the wall.
The caption in the bottom said:
Remember what you missed out on because you thought it was too hard?
I thought this was such a great ad that I cut it out and stuck it on my wall. There it stayed for many years – and I looked up at it every time I was ‘scared’ to take the next step.
So listen to your gut feel and go full time investing sooner rather than later. It will be easier than you think.
As far as the children and future gos, think firstly what life you want for yourself and your girls RIGHT NOW. Then expect your investments to fit in around that.
I wonder what ideas your brain will come up with if come at this problem from the position ‘I want XX and YY in my life now, so what investments will still give me that?’
Today’s choices are impacting on your children. Look carefully at what they NEED. Then give them that and make your investments fit around that.
Your children are being shaped by your decisions now. The consequences of these decisions are going to be evident in years to come and will compound as each year passes.
Be a little selfish as far as your investments go and expect them to ‘give to you’ now as well as in the future.
In other words ‘whip your investments into shape’. It seems to me you may have investments that are ‘negatively geared into your family life’!
I’ve noticed that of those people I’ve seen successful after years of struggle, the one’s that sacrificed their family life are today a little unhappy and effectively needing their wealth to deal with the problems this family time sacrifice created.
You might be surprised how letting go of one way of doing things ie. working off shore for 57% of the time etc. frees up your time and creativity side of your brain to come up with other viable options.
I would suggest that if you look at your family needs and your health needs first – then the answer may be clearer than you think.
** Thanks to the person who posted the story of the child who wanted to play chess. It really hit a cord with me. I am finding myself doing the same with my young son and will be making a point to change that – and fast!. How right you are!!![exhappy]
ES
Hi Dazzling
I’m with TerryW. Just quit.
My husband is overseas now for a few months, leaving me and my 10 month old back home. It is killing him when I tell him about new words or new teeth.
He is quitting work at the end of next year and the only reason we are leaving it for so long is because his job is very cruisy when he is at home. THis is the first and last time he will have gone away for any length of time.
You are currently earning more in a couple of months than we earn in a year. Sounds like you have a *&%*load of properties. How much more do you really need. As long as your PPOR is paid off, do you really need to be earning millions?
The way I see it is that if I have a million dollars and I put it into a good managed fund earning 10%pa, I can still live an extremely comfortable life on $100,000 per year.
What about investing full time? You can scale back and do a couple of hours work every day.
Until I had my girl I slogged it out in the corporate world and thought I loved it. Now she crawls up to me and wraps her arms around my legs (after she has eaten all the scraps of food on the floor along the way!) and I don’t want to miss a second of it. I’m now retired.
I would rather live just a barely comfortable existence with the love of my life than do it all without him.
Just my thoughts, but then I do have plenty of them.
Cheers
K
Hi Dazzling
You can still spend time with your girls, send them emails, gifts, to show you are thinking of them. Make coming home a special treat, for them to plan for and get excited about. Talk to each one idividually and ask them questions about their interests.
Create happy memories.
Of coarse you must do the same with your wife.
Love reading your postings.
All the best to you and your family.
I might just add, a parent can be there physically, with the family, but that doesnt mean they are “beeing there” emotionally.
Your heart is in the right place.
Hi Dazzling,
I like your replies and decided to give you a different perspective to your problem. In life one has to set priorities and rank them in order. These priorities are different from person to person. It even changes with time for same person. For example, if you did not have enough money and then you were presented with this opportunity to make more money away from family. You are more likely to take it.
But after a while you tend to cater for lower degree requirement, which are nice to have or do. Best solution would be to discuss this with your own family, what do they want. It may be possible that they are happy to miss you for a while in exchange for better economic comfort and life later. More ever, kids attitude will also change towards you and they may not like the idea of you spending too much time with them, which happens with teenagers.
You may like to imagine yourself in a scenario, where you are not making as much income and spending more time with family but not able to afford all that, which you can do now.
Your family may like to sacrifice few years while you accumulate wealth, which may give good life in future for not only you but also for your kids.
If you have set a goal then follow that through and do not leave in the middle. In my opinion, most critical years for kids future is grade 11 and 12, when they are preparing for future.
If you give them a house, or pay full fee to get them admission in university in the course of their choice, it would be remembered by them for ever and give you more satisfaction then playing few games of chess with them.
It may sound bit too materialistic but in my opinion emotional needs comes after material needs are satisfied.
I am also gone through similar debate in my mind and have taken materialistic path. I have now taken my work lightly to take more care of my kids till they complete VCE. But again my economic interests are towards kids future. If I am helping my kids to do achieve good carrier path then I do not have to spend fortune in setting them up in future. If they are not successful in future then at least I have a mental assurance that I can help them g financially so that they do not have to start from scratch.
I know it is a radical approach way different from other point of view expressed by others but I thought that you may need to at least think about it and discuss with your family before taking decision and grass may not be greener on the other side.
Sam
Thanks everyone for their thoughts and opinions. It’s amazing the variety of opinions on the forum.
We’ve already booked a session with our mentor and banker at home. The wife and I will sit down and go through this ‘plan’ to get us where we need to be.
I am now wondering if I will actually see more of the wife and kids by being a full time property investor…hope I’m not jumping from the frying pan and into the fire.
Got to do something but, this digging holes in the ground over here is really getting a bit long in the tooth.
I’ve also taken your advice and will start splashing out a bit more on the fun side. It’s quite tough for us guys to do that….I used to be able to play heaps, it’s a skill I have lost and will need to pick up again.
We’ve booked a horse riding exercusion the first week back, up at our holiday shack for the girls. They’ll hopefully glean some great memories from that.
Just hope we don’t get into that dreaded territory of “But Daddy can I have a pony ??” “But honey, we don’t have anywhere to keep it.” “It’s OK Dad, the pony can sleep in my room, the bed is plenty big enough !!!”
Cheers,
Dazzling
“No point having a cake if you can’t eat it.”
Dear Dazzling,
As your favoriate saying “No point having a cake if you can not eat it:. It seems you are doing exactly the opporsite. You are miles ahead of 80% of people on this forum I believe.
I used to work for government department and had a good pay. But I hated to go to work early for not able to seeing my kids wate up in the morning; in the afternoon, I did not have time to play with them. I quited (am an engineer). I felt quite enjoryable now.
Money can not buy back time. If in 5-10 years time, your kids about 15-20 years old, they do not really need you. In their memory, they could only remember the holidays you are with them. Mrs Doubtfire is a great movie.
Anyway, it is a personal choice. You could give them each $millions property portfolio instead…
“No point having a cake if you can not eat it”
Hi Dazzling
are you using such things as web cam and and real time voice of chat over internet to keep contact with your family. I guess your workplace o/s must be setup for such activities. Its not ideal, but can be short term aid until you come to a better solution. Maybe time and time difference is the problem?Oil industry is really humming along too, sounds like your in the right industry at the right time.
Family is number one thoughDazzling.Just do it. If it doesn’t work can’t you always go back to what you are doing now?
Done…..put the resignation notice in….coming back to Oz.
Let’s give this thing a whirl…..
Thanks everyone for their views.
Loved your mental journey over 5 days Dazzling. Nature abhors a vacuum and I avidly await hearing what has filled it. Have you ever thought about actually building tilt slab factories yourself. You could find either a vacant piece of land in a new industrial estate or an old crappy building in an existing industrial area and project manage the same as an owner builder. You have made the best decision as I know many a marriage has broken up over workaholics – women would rather you spend the time home than accumulating wealth and you lose children once they are 15 – boys in particular, they only want to be with their mates after that. Great decision, best of luck.
Fern
Wow Dazzling what a big change, your girls will love having Dad around now they are getting older. Polish the rifle and keep those pimply teenage boys away !! They grow up too quick.
So now you’re back in Oz are you free to give us a hand with that reno now ????Amanda
“It is better to be inconspicuously wealthy, than to be ostentatiously poor…”Congratulations Daz hope all works out for you
Am in a similar situation myself working 2,3or 4 months away overseas in offshore oil and only 1 month off, its a hard slog sometimes. I have an 11 month old little boy and hope to be home for his first birthday Its gonna suck if I miss it. The wife calls and says he is starting to do all sorts of things and it is bloody hard.
I wish I was in the same position financially as you though, I would give it up in an instant. Trying to get ahead financially but it all takes time.
I have picked up some interesting thoughts on this thread and will work out an exit strategy as soon as I get home. I have a construction background and enjoy building tilt up warehouses but need to look at doing it for myself instead of working for someone, I might call on you for some advice as this seems to be your field.
Anyway good luck with it all and ENJOY your new found family life.Dave
Dazzling,
Congratulations on making your right decision to ‘rejoint’ with your family.
Thanks for sharing the fantastic & touching story. And for all the invaluable advices by this forum members as well.
I believe every body is winning by learning a real experience!
Cheers,
Hi, dazzling
I have seen[biggrin][biggrin] you point and understand your feeling. Actually you are experincing seperating pain. that is part of lfe jurney. No anyway life is perfect. Even you are wealth and no seperation problem and there will be another kind of problem.
Human always chase where is non exist world {fantastic). But your body in real world . Think a middle way that may help your stay happy.Phy
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