Adult children living at home

Here’s my opinion:

I think children today choose to live at home a bit longer than they did years ago not only because moving out is so unaffordable in most cases, and investing is so much more marketed and fashionable, but also because infrastructure and transport etc have improved for kids living a bit further away from their educational centre, so there is less need to move out so soon.

Also, the parents’ houses are relatively bigger, or/and families are smaller, there is just more tolerance at home- the relationship between parents and their kids has become so much more relaxed and kids today have more freedom while living at home.

Principally, I think that I will always be there for my kids when they need me (whether they live at home or not) providing that I am able to help them- like I would always be there for other loved ones like family members with whom I have a good relationship or close friends.

Ideally, I would like my kids to naturally be ready at a reasonable age to move out because of an urge to be independent. (What I call reasonable might not be someone else’s idea of reasonable, hehe, but for me it would be anywhere up to 25ish).

I would certainly encourage them to move out if I thought they were ready earlier, but I won’t be taking them by the arm and booting them out the door.
Perhaps out of selfishness…. I think that watching my kids want to make the first step, being excited about starting their own, independent life, is something special for any parent to watch and perhaps be involved in.

We, as parents, have worked so hard to raise children to be independent, self sufficient, supportive and emotionally balanced.
And it is so rewarding (I can imagine) to see that your child, after all these years of –let’s call it trial and error- of raising them, has benefited from your upbringing and are now ready to be self-supportive and mature enough to start their own life.
I kind of look forward to this stage- to wait and see what happens- the naturally spreading of wings, is so much more a satisfying feeling than just ‘making’ them spreading their wings. Perhaps it will take a little longer, so what… isn’t it worth waiting for?

Not all areas develop at the same speed in everyone. So while you may think that your child is financially ready to spread his/her wings, s/he might not feel confident or emotionally ready to take the plunge, even if you think that they ‘should be’.

I don’t think *I* would feel emotionally ready to give my emotionally-not-ready child the boot…
It’s all about interaction with your kids, understanding them, doing what is best for them- and we are all different, we all know our own kids better than anyone else. What is best for your kid may not be best for mine.

Sometimes I look at parents and I think: Why did THEY have children? What’s in it for the kid?
When they are babies, both parents are working full time, kid is placed in long-day care, picked up by a tired parent who, after work, has no time for them (must do the cooking, dishes, housework first when they get home from work), put the kid to bed at 7, next day take it to long-day care at 7, kicking and screaming or not, and so on. Not even story-time or real communication or a bit of fun on a regular basis.

Then same thing happens when they go to school: kid goes to after-school care and is lucky if one of the parents has the energy to spend time with him/her on the weekend. Worse, they sometimes are being left to fend for themselves after school and become the wild rascal kids of the neighbourhood who do not have supervision.
Then when they are 18, they are being ‘booted’ out of the house because they are ‘ready’ and ‘should’ be independent.
Where is the love?

So, sometimes I think it is a matter of ‘when is an adult ready or responsible enough to have children’. They have a choice. They can choose not to have kids. They can choose to have kids. Kids can not choose their parents. If adults do choose to have kids- they should do what they can to look after them so that you can be proud of them when they are ready to live on their own.

Celivia

It seems to me that turning 21 is a huge thing for most kids and so I put it to ya…

They should be out or just about to leave when they turn 22, otherwise they might aswell be turning 17 again.

Cheers,
Jacob.

‘Stay Happy and you’ll be Perfectly Fine’ – Jack

They should have a little note on every useless consumer item for sale that says “Are you willing to trade the time at work to pay for this item for time with your own child?”

No joking, lifeX, good idea; it would be like a warning on cigarettes- only in this case a little [wail] on the item might make people just stop for a split-second and think about the money = time-with-kids thing.

Wylie, I agree that it is very important for the kids to respect the house, the rules (no playing drums on Sunday mornings, hehe [drummer]), and respect everyone’s privacy; the family should work well together as a group and there would be no need to kick ’em out just because they are 18 or 21. Relax and let it happen naturally.

Before we know it they will be gone and we’ll have the memories- I like to try to make these memories nice ones to look back on with delight.

I am a bit worried that if the ‘having to leave home at a certain age’ thing is a stressful time that it will affect the future relationship between parent and child in a negative way.

Celivia

I totally agree with Celivia’s earlier post & the others that follow.

I’m from a society where we live at home until we’re ready to start our own family, or unless we study or work too far away. As soon as we start earning money, part of it goes to help out with family expenses. This figure varies depending on income as well as family finances and has nothing to do with ‘board’. Our parents have paid for everything, so it is now time to give something back.

My parents did not need my money but they took it anyway. When I had saved enough for a European holiday, they unexpectedly doubled my budget as a gift. They accepted my money so as to teach me lessons in responsibility. In the end what I received far exceeded what I gave, in more ways than one.

Living at home does give us a chance to build big fat bank accounts for when we’re ready to set up our own homes. Setting up & maintaining a house is not only an expensive exercise, it’s pretty lonely coming home to an empty house, then cook for one. I don’t think living at home makes anyone less independent. We become responsible adults as soon as we start contributing to the running of the family home.
We also learn how to share, and get on with other people.

My teenaged sons are becoming really interesting young adults and we have a great time together. One day they’ll want to explore the world and when that happens, I’d like to think that the time spent at home laid the foundation for their financial and emotional wellbeing. In the meantime, I’ll treasure every moment – we never know how much time we have with our loved ones.

Starglow

r u sure u didn’t learn SOMETHING melbdude26?

cheers

brahms
Purveyor of Fine Finances
aka Mortgage Broker Brisbane

I turned 24 yesterday and still live with my parents, but outside the family home in a bungalow, which for me is the best of both worlds. I get the freedom and independance a guy my age needs, plus the security of having my family close by. I have younger sisters and enjoy watching them grow up, the youngest is five. I pay my bills, pick up after myself and put money away. within 12 months I will be purchasing an investment property and will continue living at home and watching my investment grow. For as long as I am welcome here I will stay and get the financial headstart many people don't get. I always promised myself I would not move out until I can buy. I refuse to pay off someone else's mortgage. When I am old and grey and have children I will offer for them to stay with me as long as it takes, only I will make sure they invest more money earlier than I have.

melbdude26 sounds exactly why it is our responsibility as parents to encourage our children to grow up and take responsibility.  He gets a $200,000 windfall, blows the lot and blames his mother for not letting him live at home. This was a hellova step up that most of us never get.

And then you didnt get your inheritance from  your poor mother  dying of cancer. Well boohoo. It wasn't your money. why do you believe you were so entitled>?  Gees I'm a mother, raising my four boys(aged 8 10 12 14) alone . I'm trying to prepare them for life….that is the only responsibility a mother has. It is not to provide handouts for grown men.  Are they gunna come back and blame me when one of them becomes bankrupt or marries the wrong woman? sheesh. Grow up! Make you're own way in the world. 

Back on topic…..I have my plan all worked out.  I am devoting these years to the raising of my boys but when the youngest reaches 17 or 18, I'm grabbing my backpack and off to see the world.  The boys can live in the house, hell it's big enough for their girlffriends too, pay rent to  fund my living expenses (naturally I intend to go thro a property manager so all is done correctly). I have told my kids they have to make their own lifestyle thro property investing as I intend to spend their inheritence.(I tell them that anyway). AND I will encourage them to go in partnerships with their brothers to help get their foot in the door of property investing.

milly