Courtroom Quotations

This stuff is really funny peepz…..lol!!
Only in America

Courtroom Quotations
The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.

Lawyer: “Was that the same nose you broke as a child?”
Witness: “I only have one, you know.”

Lawyer: “Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?”
Witness: “By death.”
Lawyer: “And by whose death was it terminated?”

Accused, Defending His Own Case: “Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?”
The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.

Lawyer: “What is your date of birth?”
Witness: “July 15th.”
Lawyer: “What year?”
Witness: “Every year.”

Lawyer: “What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?”
Witness: “Gucci sweats and Reeboks.”

Lawyer: “This myasthenia gravis — does it affect your memory at all?”
Witness: “Yes.”
Lawyer: “And in what ways does it affect your memory?”
Witness: “I forget.”
Lawyer: “You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?”

Lawyer: “How old is your son, the one living with you?”
Witness: “Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.”
Lawyer: “How long has he lived with you?”
Witness: “Forty-five years.”

Lawyer: “What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?”
Witness: “He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?'”
Lawyer: “And why did that upset you?”
Witness: “My name is Susan.”

Lawyer: “Sir, what is your IQ?”
Witness: “Well, I can see pretty well, I think.”

Lawyer: “Did you blow your horn or anything?”
Witness: “After the accident?”
Lawyer: “Before the accident.”
Witness: “Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.”

Lawyer: “Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?”
Witness: “Yes.”
Lawyer: “Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?”
Witness: “Yes, sir.”
Lawyer: “What did she say?”
Witness: “‘What disco am I at?'”

Lawyer: “How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?”

Lawyer: “And you check your radar unit frequently?”
Officer: “Yes, I do.”
Lawyer: “And was your radar unit functioning correctly at the time you had the plaintiff on radar?”
Officer: “Yes, it was malfunctioning correctly.”

Lawyer: “What happened then?”
Witness: “He told me, he says, ‘I have to kill you because you can dentify me.'”
Lawyer: “Did he kill you?”
Witness: “No.”

Lawyer: “Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–“
Witness: “Thank you. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment.”

Lawyer: “You were there until the time you left, is that true?”

Lawyer: “So you were gone until you returned?”

Lawyer: “Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?”

Lawyer: “The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?”

Lawyer: “Were you alone or by yourself?”

Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
Witness: “No.”
Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
Witness: “No.”
Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”
Witness: “No.”
Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
Witness: “No.”
Lawyer: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
Witness: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
Lawyer: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
Witness: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”