1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
4. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
7. Seen it all, done it all, can’ t remember most of it.
8. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
9. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
10. He’s not dead. He’s electroencephalographically challenged.
11. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
misquoted then used against you.
12. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
13. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
14. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
15. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
16. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial costs and blamed it on the high cost of living.
17. Just remember… if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
18. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
19. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
20. You can’t have everything, where would you put it?
21. The latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.
22. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
23. Shin: A device for finding furniture.
24. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
25. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.A few more:
1)Three things in life are certain: Death, taxes, and the English will never win back the ashes in our lifetime
2)Trying to see into the future is like looking for a black cat in a dark room that might not even be there.
3)If you fall off a donkey seven times, you must climb back on eight times. If you fall off a donkey ten times, perhaps you are not cut out for riding donkeys.
4)Don’t do unto others what you can get someone else to do unto others.
5)If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your wife suggested.
6)At some point we must all walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. But be sure to remove your own shoes first, cos no one makes a good impression wearing two pairs of shoes.
7) If you lend a helping hand to someone, they’ll remember you again next time they are in need.
A closed mouth gathers no feet
9) the fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you are brilliant.
10)If you stay calm while everything around you is collapsing, perhaps you are missing something.
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