Hi Dazzling,
Well it has taken me sometime now to read this topic and all the replies.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE…!
My hubby is a maggot (i mean that lovingly of course) hes a simple man (im no brain surgeon either) with a very good job. He is paid well and thinks his wages are more than adequate for our family – but id rather he didnt work.He thinks property investing is just another grand plan of mine [biggrin] and is very skeptical about it actually working, but I enjoy the thought of investing for the future, i love searching and wish he wasnt so negative about it, bought the idea and became my ‘ investing partner ‘ as well as my buddy in life [inlove]
There has been some really good issues and ways of tackling them here that im gonna try out!
I have the same problem.
I have decided to try and explain in brief what I am doing … I focus not on the number of property … Yes I consciously refer to them as property and not homes/houses etc.
When we do sell a property (eg; if it is not performing as well as I hope it to, I reward my wife’s patience with a cash sum (basically a bribe) … so that she can see the fruits of our labour.
It has been a difficult task … hopefully she will slowly see the light and come round to what I am trying to do for the family and not what she thinks, as for my self (eg; surfing the net at late hours).
Hang in there …
Hi All…
As everyone can see an “unmotivated” partner is not uncommon. There are probably many ways and schemes to get your partner to jump on the investment band wagon with you. But are these ways and schemes short lived??? In many cases I would think so, and if so, consequences could be costly!
I have banged my head on the wall numerous times over the years. We have owned and still do, several investment properties over this time, and we have built decent equity/ net worth. When trying to find out why we can’t buy another propety and so on, I found out my wife has a fear of debt!! Any thoughts to overcome this would be greatly appreciated![grrr]
My suggestions:
1. Common long term / life goals. Paint the picture that you are both on the same page, working towards the same things, and you are proposing to use property (or shares) to help achieve these goals. e.g. The equity when we re-finance or sell this property in 10 years time, will pay for the private school fees for both kids…2. Float the idea, and then let the partner find the property, or fine tune the deal; to contribute in a major way. Then the partner will own the idea, and it will be easier to proceed.
3. One from left field. Especially if your partner is female, Make sure her “love tank” is full. Those that have read the book will know what I’m talking about.[inlove]
Good luck to Dazzling and all others on this thread!![thumbsupanim]
Regards
Investor1313My partner was initially not interested either.
So I discussed with her planning for retirement and securing a method to ensure we would be comfortable at this time. of course all the old folk thinking RELIIES had the mentality of working hard and saving for your own home and work harder to pay it off….yes and then what… hmmmm big fat cheque from the government of 200k + with the *superindustries funds*…..wot a joke !!! so thats 250 K in 30 years…..thats the eqivelent of 25 K in todays terms…. wooo knock yourself out !!! gossssh WOT TO DO WITH ALL THAT $$$$$$$
So I said, a way to secure financial security when we retire is through building a investment property portfolio….. and starting it NOW….and the clincher !!! MAKIING her read : “Rich dad Poor dad” ….now she is at dinner parties discussing the benefits of property to her friends…sneaky huh ????
SDAB
I know a good divorce lawyer.[biggrin]
.
Although these posts were dated a long time ago I am very grateful to read these posts. I have been unable to sleep tonight (it’s now 01:40am WST) as I have a similar issue. I feel frustrated by the mental gap between myself and my husband. From where he has come from he is much easier to work with (*grateful*). However, as he’s improved, so have I. A sense of fear and lack of involvement from him really becomes a bug bear for me. I want nothing more than to gain the enormous momentum I KNOW we can if he contributed more towards self-education (I’m happy to DO the rest). I have been encouraging my husband to read RICH DAD POOR DAD also. He’s been reading it for weeks and I suspect is maybe half way through. I don’t mind doing the work ‘solo’ as such. It’s the mind set that drags me down and tends to frustrate me as it distracts from the results I want. He LOVES the outcome (money and ‘things’) of investing (we now have 4 investment properties, and his 4WD!) but I do ALL the work. I really struggle with this issue. I have discovered though that for a great result the ‘team’ needs consistent effort. I really live for the day where I feel supported. I seek great comfort knowing there are other ‘Robinson Caruso’s’, as I don’t feel so ‘lonely’. Now for some powerful questions: what skills am I able to learn to manage my frustration and STILL get support and results (FAST!)? I would love to develop or be part of a support network with the outcome for SUPPORT as opposed to focusing on the negatives. Is there one here currently? Thank you for having the courage to write your issue ‘Dazzling’. It may be ‘personal’ but I believe it is an integral issue requiring attention in order to get the outstanding results you (and I) want.
– HOPEFULgreat reply ksg679,
I glad you bought this topic back up.
I have had same problem for many years, but it is getting easier to get through to my wife.
Only now can she can see the results I am getting by self educatiing and taking action. Even though it scared the S**T out of her at first, she knows it is best for us for both of our (and our new daughter’s) future.
ps; I would love to know how Dazzling is going with his partner, since this was originally posted last year (Jan 2005). Is it getting better or worse daz??
cheers
hutchHi Foundation,
You’ve had some really good replies, with some very positive suggestions. I’d like to play devil’s advocate if I may.My situation is similar to Sportygirl’s. My husband is financially and morally supportive, but this is my thing. He loves his job. He is one of these lucky people whose childhood hobby became his career, where he makes reasonable money, has a career path, is provided with regular challenges and peer support and recognition. I was in the same industry (by chance more than design), it is where we met – at work.
He loves to come home and talk about his job, tell me what is happening, what his ideas are and how he thinks the company should move forward, how he solved problems. I try to be supportive and listen, make suggestions BUT I’m really not there, I have children to look after, to plan for, to think about. I have a house to run (not a minor task), I have a part time job (which I hate by the way). He has learnt when I get that glazed look and says “too much information?†to which I agree.
Foundation, I don’t know your wife’s situation (how many children, whether she works etc), but it may be, not that she’s not supportive but she is just focused elsewhere. You said that she has been there to assist before, so she’s not against your property investing, just not as focused and impassioned by it the way you are. It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t share you triumphants, or won’t commiserate with your setbacks, it’s just she’s not really interested in the day to day issues of your investing. Hence the “too tired, too busy with kids…†it may not be excuses, but valid reasons, she’s saying “I’m focused elsewhereâ€
Just a thought.
Cheers4now
BeauMondeDazzling,
Obviously, you are so not alone here. I also have a parner not really interested in investing. it is my passion, and me constantly dragging him on.
my problem is, he is the high income earner between us, and yet when i tell him he cant spend his own money on rubbish, he gets a little cross, but once he calms down, he realises i am right, and he does want to own lotsa property, he just doesnt like going without.
He also has a passion for greyhound racing. I have told him, when we acquire another 3 properties, he can buy a greyhound. I see that as fair, because it is luck wether that greyhound makes him money or not, but it has been proven that real estate will eventually make you money (in theory anyway!) So, find out what is her passion, and sorry to sound harsh, but use it against her to get her support. Eventually, it will sink in. Be patient. I wish i could learn patience.
Most of all, remember why you married her in the first place. dont try to change her to be as excited about investing as you are, because you are different people, but you can learn alot from each other.
You can teach her to be smarter with her money, but she might be able to teach you how to have fun outside of property.
but tell her, that if she wants to love you and support you, she needs to be interested in the things you care about. Just as much as you maybe take an interest in the things she cares about? Im assuming here anyway.Good luck with it all, maybe your wife can talk to my fiance, and they can laugh with each other about their respective partners going on and on and on and on and on and on about property!!!! I feel sorry for him sometimes when im yakking on about a deal im excited about, i know im boring him, but i cant help myself. At least he pretends to listen!!![laughing]
Sorry Foundation
Sorry DazzlingI wrote my reply off-line and over a few nights and (obviously) forgot who originated the post [blush2]. However the reply remains the same. [grin]
Cheers4now
BeauMondeI have just come back to this site and forum and suprise – there is a topic talking about me. I thought I was the only person in the world that has difficulty enthusing their partner in real estate investing. I am not a house nerd, but I love looking at our properties going up 20% pa and looking for similiar investments. The leap from looking to purchase usually involves explanations of capital gains, property forecasts, tax benefits etc etc. The fear factor is implied but not expressed. My only key to going forward is patience and perseverance. While we are on the “p’s” the biggest winner is performance. Good luck to you all – We will all need it!
[smiling] Hi, I have read the issue and comments about partners not being as interested or on the same page with investing, I currently have the same difficultly but am trying slowly to get my partner interested but pusuing with my passion for it anyway. Thanks for raising the issue and others sharing their advice.
Tracey
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