Well,
Bit of an update…
We are having a bit of a gathering of forumites over here in Perth shortly and the Social Director has agreed to attend, so hopefully this shall expose her to all sorts of like minded ladies.
Oh, and the executive summary has increased to 5 minutes…this is how long it takes to fold the washing up together…yes, I’m learning too !!!
Small steps at the start leading onto giant strides later…for me that is. Now if I could only learn to iron the clothes, I’d have a captive audience for over an hour !!!
Cheers,
Dazzling
“Go hard or go home”
I too have found a lack of enthusiasm from my girlfriend in the investing department……..sigh.
I suppose all partners have their good and bad points. I am very lucky my girlfriend is great in the love and caring department.
If she was too much like me……….err…….that would be creepy.
Proofs in the pudding guys. (just think of that huge “I told you so” you have got in ya back pocket for later on………………………….mmmmmm, gloating rights!!)
Live, Learn and GrowLifexperience
I told my wife I wanted to speak to her about our finances. Managed to sit her down for 20mins or so. All the time she had her arms folded with a frown on her face and shaking her head. Went through Buy & Hold, Reno, Development, Mezzanine Financing, Bird Dogs. Every time I started to explain, she would snap “hurry up! I’m busy! So many things to do! Don’t go on and on just give me the summary!”
But you know what? Despite her resistance she still ended up spending 20mins listening to me talk about property investments. I’m happy with that bit of progress (for now), even if it is just a tiny step. So hang in there guys, don’t give up! This is for the sake of your family’s future, don’t let one person’s lack of understanding stop you from setting up your family with a more comfortable future!
Regards,
eeshole
Thanks Dazzling for starting this wonderful topic! I’m another one with the same problem of an uninterested partner and I’m truly amazed at how many others share this problem.
Out of all the wonderful information I have obtained from the Forum, this topic has been the one that has inspired me the most!
And the best reply for me was the one from Skippygirl who mentioned the fact that the wives of the gurus whose seminars she went to were nowhere in sight. This seems to be the case with alot of successful property investors and this fact more than anything has inspired me to keep going!
Shar
I had this problem with my husband too and thought it was going to be an impossible barrier to overcome but I was wrong. First I asked him to read Steve’s book – which he started but not being a reader he still hasn’t finished it.
The clincher was playing Steve’s ‘Tales from the Trenches’ tapes in the car while we were out driving around. These tapes were a great way to get us talking about different strategies and techniques and now he’s a lot more convinced and keeps picking up Steve’s book to investigate different things in more detail. When he makes comments like ‘we need to save this money for your property investing…’ I feel so happy and lucky that I have him on my PI team. I think the next hurdle will be him trying to explain to his family what we’re doing. They’re of the old school and think that having the same job all your life and owning the house that you live in is enough. I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it but I do find that it’s other people’s negativity that gets in the way of our dreams sometimes too.
Happy valentines day everyone.
Same story here… Any talk of investing bores my husband. He never wants to inspect a property, let along buying one! .. It’s much easier I do it all alone.. but at least he is willing to be the handy man if I need the window of my IP fixed.
No doubt with a motivated partner, I would probably have doubled the no. of properties I own.. but the most important thing is not to be let down by discouragement, even when it is from your partner!
What a great post!
I join the long list with disinterested partners. It’s been a great comfort and inspiration to communicate with likeminded people on this site.
I think I have an advantage over some couples dealing with this problem as we don’t have kids. I do fear that if they enter the equation, there might be pressure to conform to some kind of “more sensible” (read inactive) approach to finances.
It still irks me to read about couples in API magazine, who work as a team and achieve so much.
But, as someone else wrote, you can’t expect someone to become like you, have the same priorities as you and think like you.Anyway, I’m just going to continue to take charge of making sure we’re not standing in line for a pension. So long as there’s no active obstruction I can cope with doing it alone.
Cheers,
CarlinWOW am I lucky
My wife is dead set keen to invest and we aim for growth and her entire salery is used to fund investments that have taken us from nothing to 2mil in front at this time. I cound not have done very much without the shared good attitude involving GOOD DEPT and NO BAD Dept approach. Great new news is one daughter has now bought fist investment prop. To toher who have to convince partners let them see gently the joys of so called retirement and then use stratergies to make a living income not a subsistance one
R[cap]egardsI am blessed that Brett supports my vision and passion to see us financially set free. Whereas I can be impulsive and a bit of a risk-taker, Brett is slower and more risk-averse…quite a good combination! I would agree with many of the previous suggestions. Slowly does it, maybe actively seek out people in your social circle, neighbours, friends or family who have been successful in property, and just let it “rub off” on the slower party.
Redhaven.
“I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.” ~ GOD ~ (Jeremiah 29:11)
Wow….I am so amazed at the amount of people who have disinterested partners when it comes to property investing….thank god there are others out there! I have had resistance too…..
I started on the path to learning more about business and property investing in 2003, after going to a seminar and getting all fired up about the possibilities that were out there. My partner was always very cynical, a bit of a “I know everything and everything is a scam’ type thought process, basically he thought I was being ripped off but supported me if going to the seminar was something I really wanted to do. Anyway, to cut a long story short, he never really came around to my way of thinking until we (other seminar goers) started a monthly meeting, and he finally got to meet some of the people I had been talking about and could hear from them himself what they were up to and what they had achieved. Now, he’s well and truly supportive of investing in property and although he still walks through houses that I pick and says they’re absolutely crap, by the time we’ve finished renovating them he’s eating his words. [biggrin]
My mother, on the other hand, who helped us get off the ground with our investing initially, is still very scared of owing money to the bank. It doesn’t matter that the money we made on our first IP in a year is double her yearly wage – she still has trouble with the concept that we owe money. I have yet to have the ‘good debt, bad debt’ conversation with her, but will attempt to do so soon. I think mainly her fear and hesitation comes from her upbringing, where her parents worked in the same job for the same company for years on end and she was taught that if you can’t pay cash for it then you can’t buy it, and to pay off your home first. She believes any type of debt is a bad thing and should be gotten rid of as soon as possible.
I did say to her the other day, “last year you owned one house, now you own 3” but I don’t think she truly comprehended that – sometimes I think it just goes in one ear and out the other…..
Anyway, I think we all need to just keep plugging away and explaining things to our partners, and just say that if you don’t invest, then you (meaning your partner) won’t have the money to get the play things they want.
Have fun everybody!Hi All
I am one of the lucky ones who has a wife who is very keen. So keen in fact that if I start watching the footy she points out that I could be looking for more property instead of wasting my time.
On the other hand my friend who is very serious about investing had a wife who thought all the money he got should be spent on the family consumed immediately: that was until about two weeks ago. I loaned my friend a DVD by Jamie McIntyre and she for some reason started watching a little of it. She has now read his book and watched other DVDs. She is keen to be involved with him in investing now, a 180deg turn from were she was before.
I know that Jamie has taken some flack from a lot of quarters even on these forms, but one thing about him he is a great motivator even if you don’t agree on his teachings.
Just something to think about.
Kerwyn.I too have a disinterested partner who has now slowly turned the corner.
My wife has started to respect property investing after reading the Book “The Good Earth†by Pearl S Buck. It was written in 1931 and we got our copy from the Library.
It was listed on Oprahs Book list or something. My wife read it and suggested I read it as well. Eventhough its on Oprahs list and probably a girlies book I thought I would read it as it may give me a clue to whats in my wifes head. Except for the Da Vinci Code we hardly read similar Books.
Anyway its now got her wanting to buy properties and reduce spending and save for a deposit on a holiday house. Its not a financial book but it does describe through the main characters life the benefits of property ownership. Its set in China prior to the revolution. I did enjoy it and realised I think the same way as the main character. Now my wife is starting too.
Maybe this Book would be a good birthday or Xmas present without being pushy. However I dont even know if you can buy it.
Just did a google search on the book and you can get it from amazon for about $10 something US.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0743272935/103-5202972-3403010
Haven’t read it myself. This is not an endorsement. Just the result of a curiosity search late one night.
eeshole
Great topic.
My partner is very supportive of ‘me’ – and although the obsession level with property between us is very different, I am happy about that as it gives me balance! It’s sometimes hard to shut the computer off (I just love my Mac which feels like an extension of my brain -) but it is so important to just…turn off the property deals and also have a life. My partner helps me do this!
I would say for me, as I am quite happy and enjoy wheeling and dealing as I see fit without having to sort of wait for anyone to approve or not, the emotional support is way more important than actually the ‘detail’ support. Other couples would be more inclined to do everything together – just depends on the relationship. Of course if you are a team, then what one person does with ‘the money’ affects the other, so there either has to be trust involved, or a water-tight risk mitigation system in place so that the investments will make money, not lose money.
Now the spending thing. I realise now that shopping to a certain extent ‘fills the hole within’. It can provide a sort of temporary fulfillment feeling, adrenaline, power boost, pleasure, fantasy, all of that – think of the pleasure of the new gadget, car, boat, golf clubs, new decor, shoes, clothes, restaurant trips, overseas trips, concerts, and beauty treatments.
All that stuff, it’s fun and all, it’s just that I seem to *want* it less now, it seems less important.
I think the more you feel fulfilled inside, the less you need to fulfill yourself by spending ‘outside’. I think for any of you with partners that just want to spend, spend, spend, I bet you they are not quite fulfilled and firing on all four cylinders – is that judgemental to say that?
well, it was true for me anyway.So I reckon work on the relationship first, and the fulfillment of the people in it. Then you will be on the same page, and hopefully feel less urge to buy nice ‘things’ to feel good, half of them that you don’t really need. Once you get to that stage, the money will start to accumulate all by itself and suddenly you will say ‘hey we should do more with this spare money than leave it in a bank account’ and then bingo you are both ready to invest.
My wife has started to respect property investing after reading the Book “The Good Earth†by Pearl S Buck. It was written in 1931 and we got our copy from the Library.
Anyone heard of this Book – its worth looking at. I would love to hear any other comments regarding this.
Minimogul I understand the “obsession” comment totally!
People who have read my blog will know that I am driven to make my IP journey head in the right direction, and that my partner is happy to sit back and let me do it all.
It is most disappointing because I know when I paint him the pictures in words of where we can be he gets it, but the comfort zones are there and the fear of getting out there and doing it just stops him dead in his tracks. He has passed up the opportunity of not working for an employer and doing the foot work for us, but he just can’t motivate himself to do it.
At worst I can convince myself he is just another leech sucking the life and energy from me (like the rest of the negative nellies out there) and at best I know he is my teacher in patience and conservatism.
I don’t mind a high risk investment he prefers something safer. We balance eachother out mostly….but that is not going to stop me doing what I know needs to be done. In the mean time I seek out people like Mini who have the burning urge to just do it.
______________________
I know I can, I know I can
Hi
I’m hoping for some advice on whether to use the $23,000 I have saved to buy a place to live in or buy an investment property. I am in my 50’s and due to circumstances do not own any property any more and only have my savings. I earn $47,000 a year and really need to start building my finances. As I share rent, it costs me about $300 week for rent and living expenses. ??
Thanks
samjamesBeen there, done that! I continued on my path and organised a loan purely in my name. Took some time, but got it. Bought a Buy & Hold, then did a quick cash, (found a property for another person and made a $10,000 profit in 2 weeks!!! ) ( See John Burley ‘Money secrets of the Rich)
Now she is with me 150% and we are leaping ahead!Yep I have a wife too. Yep my wife is severly disinterested. As she sees it we only have a couple of years to retirement and why risk anything now when we have no chance of recovery. Yep I have pointed out that if nothing is done we will have less than mothing if we expect to live of the old age pittance.[blink]
Originally posted by FW:Grrr my ISP had a glitch and lost the really long answer I’d typed to this!
[angry2]
anyway, when I started out it’s fair to say hubby wasn’t keen. He was working ridiculous hours, and didn’t want to know. Initially I started doing some small share trades, and talking to him occasionally about it, but property was just too big a thing for him to contemplate. All he wanted was to pay off the house and no more borrowing.
Anyway, one day he read Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki. It didn’t change him over night, but it certainly opened his eyes to a lot of things. Finally I convinced him to let me buy a rental property. We’ve moved on from there.
I have to say that even today a lot of what I do scares him, he’s not really comfortable with it all. But having said that, he took a package just over a year ago, spent last year studying full time in Children’s Ministry, and is now contemplating how best he can work to help primary school age kids at risk (and it doesn’t matter if it’s paid work or not).
He’s still not entirely comfortable with what I do, and still has a tendency to be a negative nellie when I come up with ideas, but considering where he’s come from, I think it’s brilliant!!!
I’m still the main investor, I still read the books and go to seminars by myself – I don’t know if that will ever change. His passion is helping kids, mine is investing. But at least he’s on the same page now. And he will bounce ideas around with me!
And right from the beginning, even when he didn’t want to know, he still reluctantly supported me.
So I guess what I’m saying is – take it one step at a time. It’s good to paint a rosy picture of the future, maybe even chuck in an incentive or two, but if you try to present the bigger picture right from the start in terms of how many houses you want, etc, you may just scare your partner so much that you’ll never get anywhere.
I started with little share parcels, then options trading, then one rental house, then two rental houses, then wrap houses, and so it goes.
The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step – take your wife one step at a time, and you may be surprised.
But if she’s never interested in being your partner in investing, that’s okay too. All she really needs to do is not block you!Keep smiling
Felicity
I like felicitys idea.
Let them educate themself, with some small prompting from yourself.
Get them to read steves first book aswell… it is very close to an australian version of rich dad poor dad… just with a property focus
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