Updated Employee Handbook

DRESS CODE
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>-It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
>-If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
>-If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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>SICK DAYS
>We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness.
>If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
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>leave DAYS
>Each employee will receive 104 leave days a year. They are called Friday & Saturday.
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>RESTROOM USE
>Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your
>picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders” category.
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>LUNCH BREAK
>-Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
>-Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
>-Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast

“If You never never ask, you’ll never never know”