10 Rules for the office

10 Rules for the office

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4.00pm and then
bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes
to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me
advising me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you are going. It gives me
a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of paper, boxes, books or supplies, don’t open
the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and
Opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and
Lose all use of my limbs.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which one is
the priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have
nowhere to go or anything else to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out it
could mean a promotion.

8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be
popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instruction for a job, don’t write them down.
In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me
With useful information.

10. Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to
know anything. In the corporate chain, I am plankton

“If You never never ask, you’ll never never know”