Oz

The results are out for the Ozwords comp where entrants were asked to take an Australian word, alter it by adding or subtracting or changing only one letter,and supply a new and witty definition.

billabonk: To make passionate love beside a waterhole
bludgie: A partner who doesn’t work but is kept as a pet.
dodgeridoo: A fake indigenous artefact.
fair drinkum: Good quality Aussie wine.
flatypus: A cat which has been run over by a vehicle.
mateshit: All your flatmate’s belongings lying strewn around the floor.
podgie: A pregnant widgie.
shagman: An unemployed male roaming the Australian bush in search of sexual activity.
yabble: The unintelligible language of Australian freshwater crustaceans.
bushwanker: A pretentious drongo who reckons he’s above average when it comes to handling himself in the scrub.
crackie daks: ‘Hipster’ tracksuit pants.
shornbag: A particularly attractive naked sheep.
technicolour lawn: The front yard after a rave party.

MEN WILL BE MEN

A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down.A lady cashier walked up to him and said, “Your barracks door is open.”
This is not a phrase men normally use, so he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping.A man came up and said, “Your fly is open.” He zipped up and finished his shopping.

He then intentionally got in the line to check out where the lady was that told him about his “barracks door.” He was planning to have a little fun with her.

When he reached her counter he said,”When you saw my barracks door open did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?” The lady (being smarter than a man…of course) thought for a moment and said, “No…no I didn’t.All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags.”

[:o)]
REDWING

“The man that thinks at 5o as he did when he was 20 has wasted 30 years of his life”