Tech. Support, Prayers and ……

For a Sunday afternoon………..

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0.
And now, Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and
House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

FEMALE PRAYER:

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who’s not a creep,
One who’s handsome, smart and strong,
One who’s willing to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he’s gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won’t be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who’ll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to “How big is my behind?”
I pray that this man will love me no end,
and never attempt to hit on my friend.
And as I pray beside my bed,
I look at the creep you sent me instead.
Amen.

MALE PRAYER:

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with
huge …s who owns a liquor store.
Amen.

A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains.
She tells the salesman:
“I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen”.
The surprised salesman replies:
“But, madam, computers do not have curtains….”
And the blonde said:
“Helloooo…. I’ve got Windows”.