A bit off the topic but its 4pm and it’s been a very long week. I am in need of a laugh… anyone got any good jokes?
I’ll kick it off (it’s not that flash but it’s a start)…
================
A man mowing his lawn notices his blonde neighbour come out of her house and check the mailbox.
Nothing there, she goes back into the house only to repeat the whole process again and again over the next half-hour with increasing irritation and much foot stamping.
“What on earth are you doing”, he called over.
“It’s my computer”, she says,
“it keeps telling me I’ve got mail, but there’s never anything here”
Cheers
Stu
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the
>> > > plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny
>> > > and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights
>> > > will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with
>> > > your fellow passenger.”
>> > > > > >>
>> > > > > >>
>> > > Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly,
>>and
>> > > said to the stranger, “What would you like to discuss?”
>> > > > > >>
>> > > Oh, I don’t know,” said the stranger. “How about
>> > > nuclear power?”
>> > > > > >>
>> > > OK,” said Little Johnny. “That could be an
>> > > interesting topic. But let me ask you a question
>> > > first. “A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass.
>> > > The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets,
>> > > while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse
>> > > produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose
>> > > that is?”
>> > > > > >>
>> > > Jeez,” said the stranger. “I have no idea.”
>> > > > > >>
>> > > Well, then,” said Little Johnny, “How is it that you
>> > > feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t
>> > > know shit?A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker and because of the grief they have experienced, he decides to grant them one wish each before they enter Paradise. They’re all lined up and God asks the first one what the wish is. “I want to be gorgeous”, and so God snaps His fingers and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says “I want to be gorgeous too”. Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his a*se off. Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy calms down and says: “Make ’em all ugly again”
Simon Macks
Mortgage Hunter
[email protected]
0425 228 985Ok
there were these asparagus farmers named will and del who always wanted a Zebra one day they bought one and brought it home. they said to the Zebra why don’t you go and meet the other animals, So off trotted the Zebra. it met a sheep and said hello what’s your name ? the sheep said “i’m mrs Sheep”, the Zebra said “what do you do?” i make wool for the farmer replied the sheep. “thats nice” and off trotted the Zebra till it saw a chicken “Hello whats your name” said the Zebra “i’m mrs Chicken” and what do you do “i make eggs for the farmer” replied the Chicken. The zebra said “that’s nice” and off she trotted. Next the Zebra saw a Bull and said “hello what’s your name”? He replied “i’m Mr Bull” “and what do you do” said the Zebra ? Mr Bull replied “take off those Zany Pajamas and I’ll show you.”
westanThis is quite amazing!
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. ceehiro
Luckyone
What will those crazy asparagus farmers do next? I really like that one Westan.
Keep them coming.
Cheers
Stu
[
]i like that luckyone!
joke:
a blonde joke (it was national blonde day this week!)
a blonde walked in to a computer shop and asked for curtains for her computer. the salesman insisted that computers did not need curtains. the blonde insisted, saying that her computer had windows!
embellish heaps!!
[][8D]Westan,
You’re gonna cop it!!
D & W
Hi Guys
One for Westan:
If the NZ World Cup Netball team is a bunch of scrubbers, what is the Aussie Netball team then?Here are the Lotto numbers for tomorrow night’s $17,000,000 jackpot… 3,7,11,21,29,35 with the Powerball being 5.
Oh I wish….
Talking about blonde jokes.
There were two blondes walking through the bush one day when they came across some tracks in the ground.
“Oh look,” said the first blonde, “there are some moose tracks.”
“Nah,” said the second blonde, “they are goat tracks.”
Then along came a train.Regards
ps I hope these postings are not being counted towards our stars.
Apparently this was found to be the worlds funniest joke by an English University.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says: “Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: “OK, now what?”
Simon Macks
Mortgage Hunter
[email protected]
0425 228 985staurt graet tpoic.
lucykone – taht is incedrilbe
wetsan – alwyas a jkoe abuot shagging!
did you hear the one about the guy who died from drinking milk???
scroll down
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++
the cow sat on him!
My turn:
Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
Have a good weekend all!
Three shockers, for those really really late nights:
Q1 What’s brown and sticky ??
Q2 What did the 0 say to the 8 ??
Q3 Why don’t you put an ad in the paper when you’ve lost your dog ??A1 A stick
A2 Love the belt
A3 Dogs can’t readThey invented bon bons for people like me [^]
[
]
MelHi,
From Lou Richards…
Question: “Why do Catholics have bigger balls than Protestants?”
Answer: They sell more tickets.
Question: What’s a shi-tzu?
Answer 1: It’s a dog.
Correct answer: No, it’s a zoo with no animals.Boom boom
rYou win! [:0)]
MelPS
Q How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Only one, but the lightbulb has to WANT to change.[^]
AWWWWW Melanie! You used my favourite joke!! THe stick one that is… I tell that one to the children I teach and they always think of the worst thing first…. Hee hee,
Um,
Here is one the kids here in london love!
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A WOOLY JUMPER!Stupid but kids love it!
Steph.Success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.
Your dislexia was a big hit @home Luckyone. The english language is a funny kettle of fish. Speaking of fish, did you know it can be spelled “ghoti” [?]
How? Well gh as in tough, o as in women and ti as in initial! That’s how.
Doogs, I was taught that one at uni! Ghoti! I teach it to children as well so they realise that not all words are spelt phonetically…
Did you know that stickin gyour two fingers up to someone to be rude goes all the way back to Norman times??!!! That is around 900ad.
The story. Well the normans were fighting the french and the Normans used to use the big long bows that used the index and middle finger. Now if some long bowmen were captured, instead of killing them, the french cut off those two fingers and sent them back to their barracks to show the others.
Now, in one of the battles (can’t remember which one…) the Normans were actually beating the french for once and to stick up to them they waved their two fingetrs in the air as if to say “Up yours, I stil have my two fingers…”
It’s not a joke, but a really useles piece of trivia I am sure someone will find fascinating.[:0)]
Steph.Success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.
Steph, at least it’s not as old as the wooly jumper[
]
We did a terrible thing to our daughter! Most people spell Alicia with a “c” but we decided to be different and spell it Alitia as in initial, Letitia etc. Poor girl has to correct everyone she meets!Yeah I know doogs, but the UK kids love it… Don’t worry about your daughter and her name. People will soon figure it out. Names here in uk are much more far out and even more obscure with their spelling, believe me.
Steph.
Success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.
]i like that luckyone!
][8D]
]
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