… The result was that Julie no longer had to work five days and as such she wanted [to] scale back her hours…
If you’d like to work less and want to discover the way my wife and I achieved financial independence in less then three years, then [book title] is for you. [or: If you want to work less, then read [book title] to discover how my wife and I achieved financial independence in less then three years.]
Well, I’m a natural-born mentor and derive enormous personal satisfaction from helping people, just like you, improve their financial and life position, with a focus on breaking the bonds of 21st century slavery – having to work. [could also mention here about lack of job security in this century and reducing the stress of having to rely on a job for your income when that job might not be there down the track]
It’s good to break up your sentences a bit so that they consist of both long and shorter ones for ease of reading. You’ve brought up some good points, and it is very informative regarding what can be found in your book. Is it a blurb or an introduction? It is like a cross between the two. As a blurb, it would be too long, but it would be great to pick out the highlights for a blurb with a fuller version for the intro? Have you got someone to edit your book? As the author, you are more likely to read what is meant to be there and miss anything you might have left out. Editing services can give a non-biased opinion and won’t be afraid to hurt your feelings like family and friends might. Or, are the publishers providing an editor? Make sure that you get to have a final say in what is printed as they may change a lot in editing and you might not be happy with it. A lot of people also choose books from the title, so that is going to be important to get right. By mentioning the comment about not needing to be an accountant, etc, you’ve implied that the book will be easy to read by the average person. A lot of people find reading difficult when too much information is given to them at once. Why do you think there are so many improve your memory courses out there? There are also a few sentences that are jarring; I’ve only offered concrete suggestions on a few paragraphs. I also hope that you have an indemnifying clause in your book somewhere. Sad as it is now, but it seems like everyone who is teaching anything must do so. Your book sounds great and you have put a lot of information into such a short space, which if it is the start of the opening chapter could be a little daunting to some people. A lot of info thrown at you quickly in an introduction is easier to cope with than in a first chapter. Also mentioning how often you purchase another property might be a little daunting for many people. Possibly change that to something along the lines of purchasing at regular intervals? Figures like that might be too incomprehensible to some. It might be better to work them up to those sorts of figures. Or leave them till you can put them in somewhere while mentioning taking one step at a time to get to that. The way things are worded change the way people react to things. Inflammatory statements for titles are often good. It gets people talking about the book. You’ve also cut it a bit fine with your writing, hope you get it finished in time, as well as polished to a standard that you’re happy with.
Good Luck with this venture, Av.
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http://www.petersenpublications.com.au

Back to the topic of Kiyosaki, I find his books more inspirational than learning tools, but he does have learning tools, one of which we bought for our kids which is the Cashflow for kids game. My daughter has learnt heaps about money, assests, liabillities, etc from playing this game. She loves playing it and has a far better grasp about money than other eight years olds, not to mention even older kids. At first we thought it was a bit too basic, but we’ve been impressed by how much she has learnt and retained from it. It was $127 but many people spend so much more on toys at Christmas for their kids so we’re thinking we got better value than they did. You can buy it through http://shop.powwowevents.com.au/site/bookstore as well as other educational books and tools on finance, property, etc. Av.