Folks,
Just thought I’d start a discussion regarding the flavour of the month, with most if not all wealth gurus advocating adult children stay at home with their parents for as long as possible to financially get a head start in life.
I’ve no problem with assisting the kids up to a point, after all, that’s probably why we were put on Earth….but at some point in time the little cherubs need to stand on their own two feet and tackle the big bad nasty world and break out from behind M&D’s comfy cotton wool world.
Personally, both the wife and I are committed to booting the kids out the very day they turn 18. They won’t be booted very far, in fact a soft pat on the bum and sent on their way to one of our IP’s would be closer to the truth.
The IP is in a good spot so they won’t be in Drossville having to associate with, or endure people of lower repute. The idea will be to give the responsibility of looking after the place and finding fellow tenants / housemates, collect rent and organise maintenance etc. This along with paying their own way with transport and food.
We believe 3 grown adults in their 20’s or heaven forbid 30’s hanging around the house sponging off and enjoying the hospitality of the ‘M&D hotel’ is not on. Like quenching steel to temper it if you will.
Looking at how most parents are bringing up their offspring nowadays, especially in the big cities with the “Fun Police and Lawyers” restricting their behaviour dreadfully, most are being cotton balled into great big safety Nancies…which is great when they are kids but surely at sometime they have to confront the big bad nasty world where often people aren’t necessarily fully on their side and willing to help like their teachers used to.
I read somewhere, probably “The Rise and Rise of Kerry Packer” throwing the young adult into the deep end is exactly what Con did to Frank, Frank did to Kerry and Kerry did to James to toughen them up a bit and give them some real life experience. We reckon if it’s good enough for them it’s good enough for our kids.
Do others have an opinion. Are we the only ones who thinks having adult children doing their third PhD degree still at home at 34 is not quite right ??
Cheers,
Dazzling
“No point having a cake if you can’t eat it.”
I left home at 17 as did my wife. Didn’t harm us too much. I went into the service of our country and Jen went off to the big smoke to attend Uni . Although I dread the thought of my 9 and 11 yr old girls going – I am sure that after enduring the teen years it will be quite welcome.
We also have discussed the idea of having an IP set aside for them which they can use while they attend uni or if in the wrong place then use it to fund something in the right place as it should keep pace with the market.
Or maybe we will move out and leave them to have this house.
We are also discussing where we might like to live in ten years or so to enjoy ourselves sans kids – a unit overlooking the beach, waterfront home, overseas again…….
Cheers,
Simon Macks
Residential and Commercial Finance Broker
[email protected]
0425 228 985Comments may not be relevant to individual circumstances. If you intend making any investment, financial or taxation decision you should consult a professional adviser.
My 18 year old is at home and pays rent. He’s also on a compulsory savings program (6% of gross salary into super at work and 10% of gross salary invested with us) while he saves a deposit for his first IP. He works in a job for 20 hours a week and has 3/4 of a full time load at uni.
We’re content to go down that path for a while – we see him as being financially free well before 40 all out of his own funding. If he wants to move out, he’ll have to find his own place/space. In the meantime, while he has more cash than he’s ever seen in his life, we’re teaching him to exercise priorities.
I’ve got a good saving habit from my mum.
Since young (probably around 8 or 9), I put all my money into term deposit accounts and enjoyed the number added up.( I don’t know whether children are allowed to open term deposits here, but it was allowed in my country, Japan.)
Now I have 2 boys 8 & 4, and since I commited myself to investing in properties, I stopped buying any toys at all.
I felt sorry, so I started delivering local newspapers in neighbourhood with them and let them earn some pocket money for themselves.
At first, they spent the money on tiny things as soon as they received, but now they started saving to buy a bigger thing.
They are slowly learning how to save, plan & control.
Children are provided everything they need by their parents these days. But is it really good for them? Doesn’t it make them lazy and expect too much from others?
I wouldn’t be doing their washing and cooking once they became adult (21 here, isn’t it?).
They need to learn how to survive.I think you inherently have learned traits. Wtih these learned traits you are likely to make decisions later in your life. I also believe that the older you are the bigger the consequences of that mistake.
Therefore the sooner you let your kids go the sooner they will make their mistakes and learn from them. So whilst it is really hard to watch, letting your kids go sooner might be the best thing for them and worth considering on balance.
Not having kids as yet, I’m sure I’ll change my mind in the future, and change it numerous times. However, I really do believe that by not allowing kids to see the real world for themselves, you are actually depriving them of acquiring the necessary skills to survive and thrive.
Once I do have kids, I will teach them the best I know how about money, etc. Simultaneously, I will conceal how wealthy I am by living in drossville. Once they turn 18, I’ll kick ’em out and buy myself that waterfront mansion I’ve been eyeing my entire life!
Anyone with 3 PhD’s has obviously been insulated their whole life by being supported financially (uni fees will only go up) and most likely all their knowledge is institutionalised having spent their entire adult life in an insulated theoretical/idealistic “educational” facility. Pffft…. bloody academics!
Munjy
Hi All
We have 5 children all of whom are still at home.Their ages are 16,18,2×20,22.Our 22 recently got engaged there is hope yet.I,m fairly new to investing but well on my way.So before I became so involved with investing I would have been keen to see them moving out.Now I,m still keen especially as now we have the boyfriends and girlfriends at our place most of the time but I have been educating them about property and their money.So if this means them being at home for a little longer I’m happy with that.As long as I can see they are working towards their goals and not just wasting their money.Our home is very busy and yes some times I wish they would move out so we could have some peace and quiet.Not sure if I could get used to the quiet.On second thoughts yes I could!Image cooking for only 2 not 7 or if all the girlfriends/boyfriends are here it’s normally 12.It’s a bit of a joke with family and friends that we have a revolving front door because their is always someone coming or going.One thing is for sure there is never a dull moment in this home.Oh well the more the merrier.
Lisa[blink][biggrin][blink][biggrin]I’m pretty much like Lisa. I have three boys. Our front door also is a revolving door. Oldest is only 16 and tends to be a bit lazy. However, when we need help, or my parents need a house renovated, he (and the younger ones) rally forth and I realise what good kids they really are.
We plan to let them stay as long as they want, as long as they pull their weight, study or work and live by our rules. I couldn’t wait to leave home and bought my first house to live in in my early 20’s. I had bought an investment house and unit (shared with dad) prior to that. I wonder if the 20 somethings feel stifled like I did at home. I just wanted to live in my own space. Not that I had problems with my parents, but there just comes a time when you want to be your own boss.
Even though our kids have never had to wash up regularly or do the things we had to, they do iron their school uniforms and jeans and do jobs around the house. We don’t want them to marry someone one day and have her complain that they are not domesticated.
While we are happy to have them stay, they certainly will not be here at 34, even if they are still studying. All things within reason.
We make sure we have “us” time. We send the boys to their grandparents and we have a night to ourselves. I sometimes crave a quiet house, but sometimes when I get the quiet house, I miss the boys.
Anyway, we will probably change our minds as each boy grows up and we aim to be flexible. I believe you can have them living at home without molly coddling them.
Having a brother who was a big problem from age 13 (and an even bigger problem at age 48) I realise that what we plan for our lives and our children can be thrown out the window in a nanosecond.
Regards, Wylie
There is something to be said for keeping daughters close to home as daughters are more inclined to look after their parents.
I have 2 daughters. Whenever I changed their nappies, I asked them whether they would change mine when I’m older. They’re now so indoctrinated that the 2 year old tells people she’s going to change my nappies when I get old.Tax Depreciation Schedules
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Simon Macks
Residential and Commercial Finance Broker
[email protected]
0425 228 985Comments may not be relevant to individual circumstances. If you intend making any investment, financial or taxation decision you should consult a professional adviser.
I read somewhere, probably “The Rise and Rise of Kerry Packer” throwing the young adult into the deep end is exactly what Con did to Frank, Frank did to Kerry and Kerry did to James to toughen them up a bit and give them some real life experience. We reckon if it’s good enough for them it’s good enough for our kids.
A relative of mine knew the packers quite well during the Frank to Kerry stage, and while you might be presenting it as a neat little thing, it was hardly that.
It shattered the family and ripped it apart.
As a side note I take a different view to you, as I see wealth as a very inter generational ‘thing’ (for want of a better word).
Hellman
I’d be worried if the kids didn’t want to move out as soon as they finished school. Surely parents want their kids to become independant adults and take on adult responsibilties? You’ve got 18 years to educate them, then maybe help them financially with Uni if they go that way. But kick em out I say. Dazzling, did your folks put you in one of their IP’s when you left home? Where’s the incentive to become self sufficient if you always have such a cosy fall back position of parents who you know will support you indefinitely?
Having said that, it all comes down to the individual concerned. My brothers and I all had the same deal when we left home at 18 (no more financial support) but we all have very different financial situations now. There’s only so much you can do as a parent.
As you can probably tell, I don’t have any kids.
I’m 24 and I live with my parents at the moment.
I definately want to move out but I’m just not earning enough. I lived in flats before while I was studying and getting centrelink. I applied for a lot of part-time jobs while studying but never got offered beyond pizza delivery which I did for 3 months until my cars tranmission died.I’m self-employed as a call-out PC tech and its quite difficult to bring in what even a person on min-wage would get.
I initially started out doing it to get some extra money while I finished my course but as I wasn’t offered anything the call-out PC help became fulltime. I did a lot of running around, networking, handing out fliers and putting them on notice boards and in peoples letter boxes. In the end I had no choice but to move back in with my parents as I couldn’t afford the rent etc.
Even later when I was flat out with work I still wasn’t able to pay myself much. Partly due to people not wanting to pay much and partly due to a lot of work keeping the business going that wasn’t billable.
In recent months the phone has barely been ringing which sucks because i’ve recently become a lot more milliant with saving money.
I’ve been applying for a lot of fulltime IT jobs but I usually don’t get them. I have had luck with landing interviews (about 9 this year) but not the actual job.
I took up a laboring job as a chicken boner with one of the major chicken companies but got sacked after 2 days as they claimed I wasn’t fast enough at boneing chickens. Yet when we started I was told we would be learning how to do it all week.
I got an e-mail from the boss of a company in the next couple of suburbs asking me for an updated CV and saying they may require someone soon so fingers crossed.
So I don’t want to stay here and drain off my folks but it just seems there’s a lot of doors out there that just get shut in my face.
I don’t want to go back to centrelink and I don’t really want to continue being a techncian/manager/entreprenure but at the same time the amount of times I get knocked back when applying for work makes me fee like I just have to die.
I might explain why I don’t do so well at interviews. Its because I have aspergers syndrome and interviews seem to be a test of “body language” more than anything else. Even though over the last 3 and a half years of working with people and their computer problems and developing people skills I have in no way become more like a neurotypical.
I think “the know thyself” thing is important and i’ve honestly had ALOT more luck with the opposite sex since I found out I was an Aspie but I still have a long way to go before I get myself established properly and can stand on my own two feet financially.
If you google for aspergers all these pages come up saying that its a disorder but it can also be a gift as it allows one to develop highly focused and “professor-like” technical skills and a lot of people that made some AWESOME advances in science and technology are thought to have had been aspies.
Hey Caston
When you go to those interviews, do you tend to tell the interviewer about the Asperger’s? It seems that if you get so many interviews, your quals and expience must be good, which should be the most important thing with IT work.Also, why not use centrelink and other resources that could help you get into work? I’ve found CRS to be very helpful.
You shouldn’t feel bad about living with your folks. That’s what they’re for.
oshen:
I did once with a computer shop but we didn’t discuss it properly and they said I wasn’t right for the job. Another time I wrote about it in cover letter for a job with an ISP in regards to their status as an equal opportunity employer but didn’t get a reponse.
Although I do have a reasonable amount of expereince,most of it is self-made and,with the types of customers that would let a self-employed person support their systems: ie home users and very small businesses.
All the people that actually seem to employ staff seem to want people with skills supporting big corporates and government or large NGOsI have a Diploma in IT but not a degree (perhaps I should have gone to uni but who can guess) I could re-invent myself as a server guy (rather than mostly desktop support as I am doing now) and finish off the MCSE and put my rate up substancially.
I’m also a couple of units shy of a Cert IV in small business management. If I went back to TAFE and did the 2 accounting units and the marketing unit I would get the cert.
My memories of those job network places are of them being a bit useless but mind you I was also younger, less experienced, less qualified and didn’t have a car.
Another tech that I share trade secrets with and used to refer jobs to for a commision (when I had more work than I could handle) has been offered and occasionaly taken up quite a few sales and laboring jobs (through job network members) but came back to doing call-out PC support. He doesn’t live with his parents but lives in a house owned by his sister.
So you are right that I could register with the job network but not actually apply for the dole.
Thanks for all of the responses. It’s funny when family priorities and finances clash to see the differing opinions, probably based on people’s different backgrounds.
Oshen, to answer your question, no my parents didn’t have any IP’s at that stage when I turned 18. They accumulated 7 or 8 great little properties before (mostly in Geraldton – all paying for themselves), but sold them all when they moved to Perth and the equity seemed to just vanish ??? Looking back that was frustrating for me to know, but it all happened before any of us kids or indeed M&D really knew what was happening.
What they did do for me at 18 was buy a newspaper round and let me work it for 2 years…hours were really great, only 5 days a week and 7 nights per week. The hours practically eliminated me from all forms of social life – which looking back wasn’t a good thing at all. Sold the business, wasn’t good…money for 2, work for 3.
Left home at 20 to start Uni, supporting myself financially on the money I’d saved before getting a tax free scholarship.
The inspiration for shuffling the children on actually comes from the wife, who went to boarding school at 13, doing all her own washing and ironing. At 18 she shifted up to Perth into her parents IP with her elder sisters who were managing the property. This is when I met her and frankly she wasn’t very good with her money then, but has improved dramatically over the years.
At the end of the day, this event for us is still 9 years away, and, even with best laid plans, the whole scene will probably change in that time. Looking back 9 years ago, our life is nothing similar, having lived in 3 separate countries during that time, so who knows. We may not even be in Australia given my job. We’ll leave that in the hands of Allah.
Caston – in terms of looking for jobs, why not have a crack at being a roustabout or roughneck on one of the rigs at Moomba or Jackson. We used to get all sorts coming through, from illiterate 18 year olds through to 40 year old qualified teachers. Starting salary is about $ 45 K p.a., working 2 weeks on, 1 week off. If you apply yourself, keep your mouth shut and work your **** off, within 18 months you could easily make it to derrickman who are on about 70 K p.a. Gotta be better than doing the 9 to 5 thing in the city. All accom / transport / food / laundry taken care of. I was always amazed at 18 yr old illiterates from Quilpie or Roma got paid more than graduate doctors, and had far more holidays. Have a crack at it.
Cheers,
Dazzling
“No point having a cake if you can’t eat it.”
Dazzling,
I’m very tempted to have a go at either of those positions but I fear they may send me on the next skywest flight back, shortly after starting, when they realise i’m not really cut out for physical labor.
Not saying I think its below me, just saying they may decide not to employ me. If I can be assured they’ll give me a chance to get up to speed then i’ll give it a shot. It may just be about 2-3 weeks to get up to the same rate as everyone else but that 2-3 weeks is vital. I can only do my best and improve my best.
If Iw as a young guy with my health back I would do anything to get a job like that. I joined the Army in Perth at 17 and a couple of my mates went North to the minesites and rigs and earned a lot more and had a lot more time off than I did!
Simon Macks
Residential and Commercial Finance Broker
[email protected]
0425 228 985Comments may not be relevant to individual circumstances. If you intend making any investment, financial or taxation decision you should consult a professional adviser.
Hi Caston,
My experience with ASDs is limited to the fact that I have a 3yo son who had been diagnosed with autism. It gives me stress that his future is uncertain but as you point out, a gift that comes with ASD is the ability to focus and to see things that are not obvious to the “neurotypical” person as you so nicely put it (I have been looking for an alternative to “normal” since my son was diagnosed).
For those who may not be aware, there is a two-fold reason (as I understand it from my research, the seminars and special ed. teachers) that people with ASD’s (Aspergers and autism in thier various forms) find these physical types of jobs difficult. Firstly many of these people have motor planning issues and require greater processing time. The result is that these people have difficulty performing physical tasks as quickly as the “neurotypicals” eg Caston’s experience with the chicken boning. Because speach also requires considerable motor planning their verbal skills affected as well and this in turn creates difficulties with face to face interactions eg job interviews or social recriation and everything in between. There are other issues with verbal communication and ASDs that I don’t understand beyond the fact that my son’s speech pathologist has told us that we may as well be speaking another language to our son. It will take him a long while and a great effort to learn verbal communication skills. Frustrating for all involved as his neurological difficulties do not reflect his intellectual abilities.
The second factor that presents difficulty for people with these disorders in undertaking physical labour requiring speed is that they tend to be very particular. They need things to be exactly right. This need for exactness often becomes stronger when the person is under stress or suffering with anxiety. This has clear advantages for some types of work but makes it impossible to perform with the same speed as a “neurotypical” when working in manual/physical labour jobs. Sadly many people only recognise the lack of speed and the superior quality is overlooked in this area of employment.
Caston, my advice would be to concentrate on a job where you can use your strengths and interests to out perform the “neurotypicals”. You and I both know that this will involve intellectual rather than physical work.
Best of luck with it and don’t feel bad about being at home.
Kind Regards,
Sonja
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