Senior Moments

>>
>
>
>

---

Original Message

---

>><
>Subject: Fw: Seniors’ Moments…
>
>
> >
> >
> >
> > What we have to look forward to in the years to come!
> >
> >
> > >> > > An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that
> > >> > > her
> > > car
> > >> > > has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her
> > >> > > situation to the dispatcher: “They’ve stolen the stereo, the
> > >> > > steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!” she
> > >> > > cried. The dispatcher
> > > said,
> > >> > > “Stay calm. An officer is on the way.”
> > >> > >
> > >> > > A few minutes later, the officer radios in. “Disregard.” He
> > says.
> > > “She
> > >> got
> > >> > > in the back-seat by mistake.”
> > >> > > _______________________________________
> > >> > > FAMILY
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One
> > >> > > night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and
> > >> > > pauses. She yells to the other sisters, “Was I getting in or out
> > of the bath?”
> > >> > >
> > >> > > The 94 year old yells back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and
> > see.”
> > > She
> > >> > > starts up the stairs and pauses “Was I going up the stairs or
> > down?”
> > >> > >
> > >> > > The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea
> > >> > > listening
> > > to
> > >> her
> > >> > > sisters. She shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get
> > >> > > that forgetful, knock on wood.” She then yells, “I’ll come up and
> >
> > >> > > help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”
> > >> > > _______________________________________
> > >> > > “I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!”
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one
> > >> > > fine March day. One remarked to the other, “Windy, isn’t it?”
> > >> > > “No,” the second man replied, “it’s Thursday.” And the third man
> > >> > > chimed in, “So
> > > am
> > >> I.
> > >> > > Let’s have a beer.” _______________________________________
> > >> > > LITTLE LADY:
> > >> > >
> > >> > > A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing
> > >> > > home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown
> > >> > > and say
> >
> > >> > > “Supersex.”
> > >> > >
> > >> > > She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her
> > >> > > gown at him, she said, “Supersex.”
> > >> > >
> > >> > > He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, “I’ll
> > >> > > take
> > > the
> > >> > > soup.”
> > >> > > _______________________________________
> > >> > > DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement
> > home.
> > > She
> > >> > > holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, “Anyone who can
> > > guess
> > >> > > what’s in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!”
> > >> > >
> > >> > > An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, “An elephant?”
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Bessie thinks a minute and says, “Close enough.”
> > >> > > _______________________________________
> > >> > > OLD FRIENDS
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the
> > >> > > years,
> > >> they
> > >> > > had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times
> > >> > > a
> > > week
> > >> to
> > >> > > play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at
> > >> > > the
> > >> other
> > >> > > and said, “Now don’t get mad at me … I know we’ve been friends
> >
> > >> > > for
> > > a
> > >> long
> > >> > > time …but I just can’t think of your name! I’ve thought and
> > > thought,
> > >> but
> > >> > > I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.”
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just
> > >> > > stared
> > >> and
> > >> > > glared at her.
> > >> > > Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”
> > >> > > _______________________________________
> > >> > > SENIOR DRIVING
> > >> > >
> > >> > > As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone
> > rang.
> > >> > > Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him,
> > >> > > “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the
> > >> > > wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!”
> > >> > >
> > >> > > “Heck,” said Herman, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of
> > >> > > them!” ______________________________________
> > >> > > DRIVING
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Two elderly women were out driving in a large car – both could
> > >> > > barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they
> >
> > >> > > came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just
> > went on through.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself “I must be
> > >> > > losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”
> >
> > >> > > After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and
> > >> > > the light was red
> > >> again.
> > >> > > Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat
> > >> > > was almost sure that the light had been red but was really
> > >> > > concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At
> > >> > > the next
> > > intersection,
> > >> > > sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she
> > > turned
> > >> > > to the other woman and said, “Mildred, did you know that we just
> > >> > > ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us
> > both!”
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh, crap, am I driving?”
> >
> >[biggrin][biggrin]
> > **********************************************************************
> > This e-mail and any attachments are intended solely for the
> > named addressee(s), are confidential and may contain
> > information proprietary to APPP or information that is
> > privileged. The disclosure, copying, taking action in reliance
> > on or distribution of them or any information they contain by
> > anyone other than the addressee(s) is prohibited. If you
> > have received this e-mail in error, please notify the sender
> > by return e-mail and destroy all copies of this e-mail and
> > any attachments.
> > **********************************************************************
> >
> >
> >
> > —
> > No virus found in this incoming message.
> > Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
> > Version: 7.0.323 / Virus Database: 267.8.2/29 – Release Date: 27/06/05
> >
> >
>
>
>
>–
>No virus found in this outgoing message.
>Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
>Version: 7.0.323 / Virus Database: 267.8.2/29 – Release Date: 27/06/05
>

There are 3 types of people:1. People who make things happen.
2. People who watch what happens.
3. People who wondered what happened.