some of these may be old

So this woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
He asks “What for?”
She says “I want to kill my husband.”
He says “Sorry, I can’t do that.”
She then reaches into her handbag and pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife and hands it to him.
He says, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription…”
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Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home. Sixty is the worst age
to be,” said the 60-year-old. “You always feel like you have to pee. And
most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!”

“Ah, that’s nothin’,” said the 70-year-old. “When you’re seventy, you can’t
have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the
toilet all day and nothin’ comes out!”

“Actually,” said the 80-year-old, “Eighty is the worst age of all.”

“Do you have trouble peeing too?” asked the 60-year-old.

“No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a
flat rock; no problem at all.”

“Do you have trouble having a bowel movement?” asked the 70-year-old

“No, I have one every morning at 6:30.”

With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, “Let me get this straight.
You pee every morning at 6:00 and poop every morning at 6:30. So what’s so
tough about being 80?”

The 80-year-old replied: “I don’t wake up until 7:00.”
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A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze.
Where upon he asks the drunk, “Are you ready to find Jesus?” The drunk answers, “Yes, I am.” So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him up and asks the drunk, “Brother, have you found Jesus?”
The drunk replies, “No, I haven’t found Jesus.”
The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again but for a little longer this time. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, “Have you found Jesus, my brother?”
The drunk again answers, “No, I haven’t found Jesus.”
By this time, the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again – but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.
When the drunk begins thrashing his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up.
The preacher asked the drunk again, “For the love of God, have you found Jesus?”
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?”
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A handsome, middle-aged man walked quietly into the cafe and sat down.
Before he ordered, he couldn’t help but notice a group of younger men at the table next to him. It was obvious they were making fun of something about him, and it wasn’t until he remembered he was wearing a small pink ribbon on the lapel of his suit that he became aware of what the joke was all about.

The man brushed off the reaction as ignorance, but the smirks began to get to him. He looked one of the rude men square in the eye, placed his hand beneath the ribbon and asked, quizzically, “This?” With that the men all began to laugh out loud. The man he addressed said, as he fought back laughter, “Hey, sorry man, but we were just commenting on how pretty your pink ribbon looks against your blue jacket!”

The middle aged man calmly motioned for the joker to come over to his table, and invited him to sit down. As uncomfortable as he was, the guy obliged, not really sure why. In a soft voice, the middle aged man said, “I wear this ribbon to bring awareness about breast cancer. I wear it in my mother’s honour.” “Oh, sorry dude. She died of breast cancer?” “No, she
didn’t. She’s alive and well. But her breasts nourished me as an infant, and were a soft resting place for my head when I was scared or lonely as a little boy.
I’m very grateful for my mother’s breasts, and her health.” “Umm,” the stranger replied, “Yeah.”

“And I wear this ribbon to honour my wife”, the middle aged man went on. “And she’s okay, too?” the other guy asked. “Oh, yes. She’s fine. Her breasts have been a great source of loving pleasure for both of us, and with them she nurtured and nourished our beautiful daughter 23 years ago. I am grateful for my wife’s breasts, and for her health.”
“Uh huh. And I guess you wear it to honour your daughter, also?”
“No.
It’s too late to honour my daughter by wearing it now. My daughter died of breast cancer one month ago. She thought she was too young to have breast cancer, so when she accidentally noticed a small lump, she ignored it. She thought that since it wasn’t painful, it must not be anything to worry about.”

Shaken and ashamed, the now sober stranger said, “Oh, man, I’m so sorry mister.” “So, in my daughter’s memory, too, I proudly wear this little ribbon, which allows me the opportunity to enlighten others. Now, go home and talk to your wife and your daughters, your mother and your friends.”
“And here,” the middle-aged man reached in his pocket and handed the other man a little pink ribbon.

The guy looked at it, slowly raised his head and asked, “Can ya help me put it on?”

Do regular breast self-exams and have annual mammograms if you are a woman over the age of 40.

And please encourage those women you love to do the same.

Please send this on to anyone you would like to remind of the importance of breast cancer awareness

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